MY EGG DONOR STORY

In stories, we HEAL.

As I sit here thinking about the first time I was approached about using an egg donor, I can vividly see myself sitting at our dining room table looking shocked and staring into the backyard of our North Vancouver home.

Before that first call, we had experienced a twin pregnancy and had to TFMR [ termination for medical reasons ], several miscarriages, 2 failed IUI and had just started our IVF journey when we were told that my body didn’t respond well to the drugs and that we should think about alternatives.

The doctor that was supporting us on our journey had the worst bedside manner and I know that my PTSD was triggered and thus I didn’t feel safe with him.

LOVING CHRISTMAS AFTER OUR STILLBIRTH

I know what you are thinking, this lady has lost the plot!

I get it! It didn’t happen overnight and it took a while but I LOVE Christmas again because it means something completely different to us as we had to redefine it for ourselves after infertility and the death of our twins and daughter. As a Pregnancy Loss Coach, I work with several women who find holidays triggering and only feel sadness, overwhelm and isolation. I’ve been there and it is incredibly hard. I get it.

Finding your RETREAT

Let’s start by asking ….

Do you have a retreat?

Do you have your special, calming space where you are able to retreat, restore and refresh when the world gets too crazy and overwhelming?

Having a place where you find comfort when your grief gets too much is important in our healing process.

WHY?

Our minds and nervous system needs a break so that it can restore and fight another day. If we don’t have that, we will stress our adrenals and feel ill.

EMOTIONS. SO MANY FREAKING EMOTIONS.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AFTER LOSING OUR TWINS THAT ALL I WANTED TO FEEL WAS HAPPY BUT COULDN’T.

I REMEMBER I TOLD MYSELF THAT THIS IS IT AND THIS IS OUR RAINBOW BABY. I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY A BIB AND I WAS PLANNING ON TELLING MY HUSBAND THAT EVENING. SADLY, I MISCARRIED THAT NIGHT AND I HAD TO HIDE THE BIB AND TOLD MY HUSBAND A DIFFERENT STORY.

Halloween Self Preservation after Pregnancy Loss

We are reminded once again of the memories that we are unable to make with our little ones. For me the sadness starts to creep [ Halloween word] in, when I start to realize that Loey will never be able to dress up like a super hero or a princess. Of course, a bad ass princess and super hero, because she is tough and brave like that. And, the fact she won’t know what a chocolate bar taste like or I won’t hear her begging for more treats before bed and of course me giving in at least once, because life is short.
I won’t be holding her hand as we walk the cold streets and knocking on doors.

I know I’m not alone in my feels.

So I thought I would share what I am doing this Halloween, and some tools from my grief ghostbuster’s toolkit for Halloween.

[ did you see that - another Halloween word]

October - Pregnancy + Infant LOSS Awareness Month

Did you KNOW …

In 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated October as national Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month to bring light to an issue that affects so many people. Each year in the United States, approximately 1 million children die in utero or shortly after birth, making it 1 in 4 pregnancies that result in a loss.

1 in 4 !

My God Daughter and Loey [ Life after baby loss ]

This photo was taken after M had a melt down and we started to look outside into the clouds ️ and I could
feel Loey with us.

It was a magical moment and a moment I will not forget.

I believe that making new memories for the ones that were taken away is part of living a life with loss.

the secret is out

The secret is out and there is no more hiding in your pain and in your suffering.

Those FIRST few MONTHS after LOSS

I felt like a zombie in my own life. I didn't have the energy to think and eat or even think about taking a shower. I didn't know if I was going to make it or not.

I had to ask for a lot of help, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I learned to not judge myself if I was too tired to do anything that day. I also learned to set boundaries around my healing experience. I had to find the courage and strength to live one day at a time. I had to create self-care moments each day to help me find purpose.

I wrote an E-MAG about my first few months after my loss.

People have shared that after reading my e-mag they felt less alone, that it was an easy read to help them understand what they are going through.

my WHY

Grief is life changing and it can open up old wounds and challenge your belief system.

When this happened to me - I felt alone and frustrated. I was able to find a grief therapist, however I needed someone to help me understand this crazy relationship with grief. I needed someone to help me move through this sense of incredible loss and live my new life with purpose.

Jennifer HeptonApril 16, 2018grief, grief coach, grief coaching, life after loss, infant loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, stillborn

Transitions suck ....

We just got home from spending time away in the California sunshine.

I know. Who wouldn't think coming back to cold and wet Seattle wouldn't be challenging ..

But, when you are coming home to your grief bubble AKA home - it double sucks.

It sucks because the person that you that would be there - isn't.

It sucks because the life you thought you would have - isn't.