Halloween Self Preservation after Pregnancy Loss

halloween after baby loss


How I am surviving Halloween this year

How did that happen ? 

How did we get to Halloween already? 

I shouldn’t be surprised because I think I saw Halloween costumes in August. I think it was right after school started. Thanks, Costco!!! 

Joking aside. 

This is a TOUGH one for us. 

We are reminded once again of the memories that we are unable to make with our little ones and the memories we had with our lost loves.

For me, the sadness starts to creep [ Halloween word ] in, when I start to realize that Loey will never be able to dress up like a super hero or a princess. Of course, a bad ass princess and super hero, because she’s tough and brave like that. I always try and picture her as a toddler. It’s interesting how our brain works to hold on to dreams + memories.

I again realize that she won’t know what a chocolate bar tastes like or I won’t hear her begging for more treats before bed and of course giving in at least once, because life is short.

I won’t be holding her hand as we walk the cold streets and knocking on doors.

AND, I won’t hear her sweet voice saying

Trick or Treat Mummy.


I know I’m not alone in my feels.

I thought I would share what I’m doing this Halloween and some tools from my grief ghostbuster’s toolkit for Halloween. 

[ did you see that - another Halloween word - are you counting?]


1. I’m going to go to a movie and hope I don’t see kids walking up and down the movie aisle begging for treats in their cute costume. And, if I do see children in their cute costumes on my way to the movies, I will know that my sadness comes from the love I have for my daughter.

2. NO social MEDIA. I will be aware that there will be a lot of shares around babies and their cute bear costumes. I’m not sure why a bear but you know what I mean. 

3. I’m going to treat ( get it ... trick or treat … another Halloween word) myself to a lush bubble bath and an audiobook. Take me AWAY.

4. I’m NOT giving out treats this year, but if I did I would just leave a bowl out with a kind note to ONLY take one and if they take the whole bowl - well more power to them. 

5. We didn’t carve a pumpkin or decorate this year but if you feel like decorating - please do. Last year we carved Loey’s name on our pumpkin and celebrated her and left a bowl of treats outside.

6.  If you have other children, you obviously can’t skip Halloween but maybe you and your partner can take turns or ask a close friend to help.

7.  NETFLIX! Watch some movies, eat some [ or a lot of ] popcorn and chill out as the night comes and goes.


Some of my clients light a candle to remember their angel baby in the window. 

Halloween is about dressing up, spending time with friends and enjoying candy. It’s a time for family and a time for memories.

This is HARD when you at grieving a loss of a baby or child or anyone. 

I invite you to create your own traditions and memories to honor your loved one and also to be gentle with yourself.

Oh so gentle.

I would love to hear what you are doing or not doing for this Halloween.

Leave a comment below or tag me on Instagram 

Jenn.hepton or Loeys.hugs. 

With love always 


If you are finding holidays hard and need support, please


How many Halloween words did you count in this blog?