the secret is out
there is no hidding anymore
... you know that in-between time after after loss and the time that people start to find out about your loss ...
The secret is out and there is no more hiding in your pain and in your suffering.
You know that period after your loss to the time when people start to find out?
The in-between time that seems to stand still with sadness, disbelief, anger, and confusion. The period of time, when you didn't have to worry if someone was feeling sorry for you or feeling awkward around you.
That in-between time, after you have said goodbye and you start to receive texts, emails, and flowers. You know that time - that void of NO one knows but you, your partner and the doctors.
I find that this is the time when you don't have to pretend that you are strong, that you are fine, having to find the energy to make decisions and the concentration to carry conversations with people who just don't understand nor get your pain.
You know, that period before the secret is out when you don't have to worry about your future because you were paralyzed in the moment.
WELL, I believe that this time is sacred.
It's almost like walking through a portal or a door. It's like your soul is holding you as you hide and drift in to confusion and numbness. This is all before this dumb need to PRETEND - to pretend that you are okay, that all you need is rest but all you need is your life after loss.
There is no more hiding.
In order to survive, we start to try to blend in.
In order to survive, we start to socialize as best as we can.
In order to survive, we go to work, grocery shopping, yoga classes, birthday parties and Christmas dinners with family.
As we start to pretend and play a role, we start to disassociate from our loss and our soul.
Suddenly, our soul starts to become fragmented.
People think you are doing okay and you 'try' to look 'normal'.
However, INSIDE you feel numb, empty, exhausted and alone.
You want to run.
You want to run back to when the secret wasn't out, a time when you were in the depth of grief without the need to pretend, without the need to wonder and without the need to find out who you are again.
Because at the moment,
Because in that in-between time -
You were BEING.
When the secret is out there are so many expectations that we put on ourselves
AND society tells us what we SHOULD do.
AND we start to judge ourselves with our limiting beliefs and inner ego.
Even though we would never want to go back to that time, because it is incredibly painful.
However, don't you find that you were closer to your soul?
And, closer to your intuition before life and society got in the way?
Can we go back and remember how our intuition was keeping us together, how we were listening to it intuitively to get by as our soul was whole ?
it's okay ...
close your eyes
take a deep breath
and remember the love
remember the pain
remember the moment
before you had to pretend
before your soul was fragmented
how do you feel?
let's not deny grief and disconnect ourselves from it
this will help lead us back to our intuition and our soul.
If this resonates, please know I offer solace grief sessions and 4 month bespoke coaching sessions