MY EGG DONOR STORY

In stories, we HEAL.

As I sit here thinking about the first time I was approached about using an egg donor, I can vividly see myself sitting at our dining room table looking shocked and staring into the backyard of our North Vancouver home.

Before that first call, we had experienced a twin pregnancy and had to TFMR [ termination for medical reasons ], several miscarriages, 2 failed IUI and had just started our IVF journey when we were told that my body didn’t respond well to the drugs and that we should think about alternatives.

The doctor that was supporting us on our journey had the worst bedside manner and I know that my PTSD was triggered and thus I didn’t feel safe with him.

Emotions in 2019

I saw a mother who wasn’t afraid to feel anxiety and joy. I also saw a mother who thought she wasn’t going to make it and felt exhausted and lonely at times AND she made it.

SHE FUCKING MADE IT.

I am honored to share my ✍🏽 JOURNAL + ANCHORING NLP STRATEGY with you and help you lean into your resilience and strength.

SELF CARE + LOSS

I STOOD OUTSIDE THIS MORNING IN THE SUN AND THOUGHT

WHAT HAVE I DONE LATELY FOR MY SELF CARE.

IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR LOSS HAPPENED LAST MONTH OR 10 YEARS AGO, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RADICAL SELF CARE.

AND WITH GRIEF, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RITUALS OF SELF CARE.

LET’S ADMIT IT!

MY PARTNER + I after loss

I KNOW.

YOU ARE JUST TRYING TO GET BY ON YOUR OWN AND HERE I AM SAYING THAT WE NEED TO THINK OF OUR PARTNERS.

WHEN WE HAD TO TERMINATE OUR TWINS FOR MEDICAL REASONS, TRY TO CONCEIVE AFTER SEVERAL MISCARRIAGES AND THEN LOEY’S DEATH, I DIDN’T THINK WE AS A COUPLE WOULD HAVE MADE IT AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF WE WILL. IT TAKES CONTINUOUS PERSONAL GROWTH AND COMMITMENT.

TTC after a Loss

WHEN WE EXPERIENCE A PREGNANCY LOSS AT ANY STAGE THERE IS GRIEF.

HOWEVER, THE HUMAN SPIRIT DOESN’T WANT TO GIVE UP AND WE MOVE INTO THE NEXT PHASE OF OUR FERTILITY.

EMOTIONS. SO MANY FREAKING EMOTIONS.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT AFTER LOSING OUR TWINS THAT ALL I WANTED TO FEEL WAS HAPPY BUT COULDN’T.

I REMEMBER I TOLD MYSELF THAT THIS IS IT AND THIS IS OUR RAINBOW BABY. I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY A BIB AND I WAS PLANNING ON TELLING MY HUSBAND THAT EVENING. SADLY, I MISCARRIED THAT NIGHT AND I HAD TO HIDE THE BIB AND TOLD MY HUSBAND A DIFFERENT STORY.

My God Daughter and Loey [ Life after baby loss ]

This photo was taken after M had a melt down and we started to look outside into the clouds ️ and I could
feel Loey with us.

It was a magical moment and a moment I will not forget.

I believe that making new memories for the ones that were taken away is part of living a life with loss.

Those FIRST few MONTHS after LOSS

I felt like a zombie in my own life. I didn't have the energy to think and eat or even think about taking a shower. I didn't know if I was going to make it or not.

I had to ask for a lot of help, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I learned to not judge myself if I was too tired to do anything that day. I also learned to set boundaries around my healing experience. I had to find the courage and strength to live one day at a time. I had to create self-care moments each day to help me find purpose.

I wrote an E-MAG about my first few months after my loss.

People have shared that after reading my e-mag they felt less alone, that it was an easy read to help them understand what they are going through.