Halloween Self Preservation after Pregnancy Loss

We are reminded once again of the memories that we are unable to make with our little ones. For me the sadness starts to creep [ Halloween word] in, when I start to realize that Loey will never be able to dress up like a super hero or a princess. Of course, a bad ass princess and super hero, because she is tough and brave like that. And, the fact she won’t know what a chocolate bar taste like or I won’t hear her begging for more treats before bed and of course me giving in at least once, because life is short.
I won’t be holding her hand as we walk the cold streets and knocking on doors.

I know I’m not alone in my feels.

So I thought I would share what I am doing this Halloween, and some tools from my grief ghostbuster’s toolkit for Halloween.

[ did you see that - another Halloween word]

Grief and Boundaries

I know, it’s the last thing you want to think about at the moment - setting boundaries and telling people what to do, but I found this to be one of my saving graces after losing Loey.

So much of your health and general wellbeing depends on our ability to set and maintain good and healthy boundaries.

I think, and I am totally guilty of doing this, that women automatically default in taking care of everyone else and become the caretaker during loss and they forget about their own healing process.

Yes, sometimes it is justified but I do invite you to be conscious of your own healing process because unattended grief does not go away. It will stay in your body and create havoc.

Getting Pregnant After Loss

Those words are full of so many emotions.

Thinking about trying again can be full of guilt, sadness and joy.

We want to be able to think about a beautiful baby in our arms, but after baby loss we don’t have the luxury of not knowing what could happen.

I remember after losing our twins, I was incredibly anxious about getting pregnant again.

The doctors, my family and even my husband kept reassuring me that it would be okay to start again.

So, we did and we tried IUI, IVF and the old fashion way of having sex on those 2 days.

My God Daughter and Loey [ Life after baby loss ]

This photo was taken after M had a melt down and we started to look outside into the clouds ️ and I could
feel Loey with us.

It was a magical moment and a moment I will not forget.

I believe that making new memories for the ones that were taken away is part of living a life with loss.

the secret is out

The secret is out and there is no more hiding in your pain and in your suffering.

Those FIRST few MONTHS after LOSS

I felt like a zombie in my own life. I didn't have the energy to think and eat or even think about taking a shower. I didn't know if I was going to make it or not.

I had to ask for a lot of help, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I learned to not judge myself if I was too tired to do anything that day. I also learned to set boundaries around my healing experience. I had to find the courage and strength to live one day at a time. I had to create self-care moments each day to help me find purpose.

I wrote an E-MAG about my first few months after my loss.

People have shared that after reading my e-mag they felt less alone, that it was an easy read to help them understand what they are going through.

JULY is International BEREAVED PARENTS MONTH

I bet you didn't expect to read this.

Well, I didn't expect to be writing this.

But I am glad that you are here.

My intention is to bring more awareness to this month, and you are helping me.

I share ideas below on how to help your friend who has lost a child.

If you are a bereaved parent, my heart goes to you.

I hope this little blog resonates and helps in some way.

Losing a child is an unimaginable loss.

What if you decided to believe that it could be no other way ......

It is the day after Mother's Day here in the States, and I think surviving my 6th mother's day after losing my twins and the first after losing my lovely little girl went well.

As well as you can expect while living in grief and loss.

Why and how ....

I think truly it was because I had a plan.

I had a plan of what I would like the day to be like, I had a plan that I could use as my go to, if all went completely pear shape. But, I think most importantly I chose me. I chose to celebrate myself as a mom, and as a person. I also chose to honor my babies and my relationship with loss. I did what my soul craved most of - self care and love.

s l o w i n it d o w n ...

That's my ego trying to survive.

I want to keep myself busy, because I fear the pain and emotions that are about to hit me like a massive wave - I am talking about a BIG STORM WAVE. When we slow down and when we start saying no to things that don't nourish us, that don't excite us - that is when the true healing comes.

my WHY

Grief is life changing and it can open up old wounds and challenge your belief system.

When this happened to me - I felt alone and frustrated. I was able to find a grief therapist, however I needed someone to help me understand this crazy relationship with grief. I needed someone to help me move through this sense of incredible loss and live my new life with purpose.

Jennifer HeptonApril 16, 2018grief, grief coach, grief coaching, life after loss, infant loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, stillborn