I know what you are thinking, this lady has lost the plot!

I get it! It didn’t happen overnight and it took a while but I LOVE Christmas again because it means something completely different to us as we had to redefine it for ourselves after infertility and the death of our twins and daughter. As a Pregnancy Loss Coach, I work with several women who find holidays triggering and only feel sadness, overwhelm and isolation. I’ve been there and it is incredibly hard. I get it.

SELF CARE + LOSS

I STOOD OUTSIDE THIS MORNING IN THE SUN AND THOUGHT

WHAT HAVE I DONE LATELY FOR MY SELF CARE.

IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR LOSS HAPPENED LAST MONTH OR 10 YEARS AGO, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RADICAL SELF CARE.

AND WITH GRIEF, OUR SPIRIT NEEDS RITUALS OF SELF CARE.

LET’S ADMIT IT!

Finding your RETREAT

Let’s start by asking ….

Do you have a retreat?

Do you have your special, calming space where you are able to retreat, restore and refresh when the world gets too crazy and overwhelming?

Having a place where you find comfort when your grief gets too much is important in our healing process.

WHY?

Our minds and nervous system needs a break so that it can restore and fight another day. If we don’t have that, we will stress our adrenals and feel ill.

Halloween Self Preservation after Pregnancy Loss

We are reminded once again of the memories that we are unable to make with our little ones. For me the sadness starts to creep [ Halloween word] in, when I start to realize that Loey will never be able to dress up like a super hero or a princess. Of course, a bad ass princess and super hero, because she is tough and brave like that. And, the fact she won’t know what a chocolate bar taste like or I won’t hear her begging for more treats before bed and of course me giving in at least once, because life is short.
I won’t be holding her hand as we walk the cold streets and knocking on doors.

I know I’m not alone in my feels.

So I thought I would share what I am doing this Halloween, and some tools from my grief ghostbuster’s toolkit for Halloween.

[ did you see that - another Halloween word]

Grief and Boundaries

I know, it’s the last thing you want to think about at the moment - setting boundaries and telling people what to do, but I found this to be one of my saving graces after losing Loey.

So much of your health and general wellbeing depends on our ability to set and maintain good and healthy boundaries.

I think, and I am totally guilty of doing this, that women automatically default in taking care of everyone else and become the caretaker during loss and they forget about their own healing process.

Yes, sometimes it is justified but I do invite you to be conscious of your own healing process because unattended grief does not go away. It will stay in your body and create havoc.

Getting Pregnant After Loss

Those words are full of so many emotions.

Thinking about trying again can be full of guilt, sadness and joy.

We want to be able to think about a beautiful baby in our arms, but after baby loss we don’t have the luxury of not knowing what could happen.

I remember after losing our twins, I was incredibly anxious about getting pregnant again.

The doctors, my family and even my husband kept reassuring me that it would be okay to start again.

So, we did and we tried IUI, IVF and the old fashion way of having sex on those 2 days.