What if you decided to believe that it could be no other way ......
It is the day after Mother's Day here in the States, and I think surviving my 6th mother's day after losing my twins and the first after losing my lovely little girl went pretty well.
Well, as well as you can expect while living in grief and loss.
Why and how ....
I think truly it was because I had a plan.
I had a plan of what I would like the day to look like.
I think looking back and reflecting. I had a plan that I could use as my comfort blanket if all went completely pear shape. But, I think most importantly because I chose me, I was able to find the inner strength.
I chose to celebrate myself as a mom, and as a person. I also chose to honor my babies and my relationship with loss. I did what my soul craved, which was a lot of self care and love.
I started the day with two yoga classes with dear friends leading and holding space. I went to a greasy spoon breakfast diner, where I completely pigged out on eggs, bacon and a shit load of hash browns. And, I walked my fur babies [ my two beagles ] along the water.
Of course there were moments of sadness, and moments of anger. Duh. Grief does that to you.
I mean, as we get to know our relationship with grief, there is really NO escaping the feelings of heaviness, but we learn to dance between the heavy and light moments.
There was also this sense of acceptance. Now, you might think acceptance is about forgetting or giving up, but it's not to me.
It's about healing.
It's about making sense of something so awful, so that we allow our soul to grow and learn.
Tom Zuba mentions :
" What if you decided to believe that it could be no other way? That everyone dies right on time. Even if you don't understand it. And never will. While you're in your physical body. Who would you be if you decided to believe that everyone dies at the perfect time? Everyone. "
This thought might be too much right now. You might feel your mind try to fight it, because it's trying to survive and move you away from the pain of it all. I get it. But, this idea - this thought- is giving me hope. It is creating a space for me to dance between the hope and fears.
I purposely became more mindful. I purposely created the space I needed and didn't fight it.
This gives me hope.
Setting intentions. Setting the intention that I was going to create space for whatever came up, allowed me to receive and allowed me to feel the joy when it was there, but appreciate the sadness when it knocked on the door. There is something powerful about this dance.
There is something empowering about creating space, allowing acceptance and hope into your heart.
YES! Your life has been shattered. Your life has been broken. And, it is up to us how we pick up the pieces to live the rest of our lives with this thing called loss.
If you want to talk more about this and find clarity in your loss - please feel free to reach out.
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