parenting ourselves after loss + trauma
.... I know what you are thinking.
I am an adult and I don't need parenting ... But you do.
Let's go way back.
Remember when your parent told you not to jump off the tree or to not watch TV all day and to eat your greens?
Who is doing that for you now?
As children there was someone who told us what we needed to get done, what we shouldn't be doing and how to live our lives in some way.
However as adults we don't have our parents telling us to get up, go to work and live our life.
As adults, we need to get up on time, we need to take ourselves to the gym or for a walk and we need to eat sensibly. There isn't someone telling you what you need to do. It is all up to you.
When we have experienced trauma or a loss, the need to live is really hard. Don't get me wrong, it's not about life or death, but more about living our life in the shit of it. Having to get up in the morning, having to feed ourselves, head into work and survive.
There is a time to grieve and to heal and there is a time to parent yourself to get yourself out of bed.
Personally, I know that I use to use grief as a crutch or as an excuse not to leave my flat, not to experience life and not to see friends.
I know there are times when we do need to stay home and chill.
BUT, there is a life to live and we can live it with loss.
I find as a coach, that there is a lot of energy around our feelings and making decisions according to if it feels right or wrong or how we feel that day. Well, I feel sad 50% of my mornings and so does that mean I stay in bed and feel sad for the rest of day? Guess what my answer is .... NO! You can still feel sad, but you can also still live your life - one step at a time.
There is a time and you will know when it is, that you need to start to parent yourself even more after loss or after a shitty situation.
Let me tell you, we will always feel like NOT doing something in our lives, but it doesn't mean that we do not do it.
We have to push ourselves
Why? Because - no one is going to save you and no one will help you LIVE YOUR LIFE. I know, that might have stung a bit, but my friend we need to push to survive and to keep going.Yes, there are moments that we will need to rest and moments we will need to and these like all emotions will be a moment. I encourage you to honor your emotions and push gently.
That is HOW we heal, grow and LIVE.
Imagine if you just did the things that only felt good, like watch TV all day, not take a shower and not eat because it's just too much work. Can you honestly tell me that you are living? We need to PUSH ourselves in order to change and in order to live a life that we deserve.
I invite you to push yourself with love + compassion!
This means HONOR your feelings and push yourself to live.
There is a time to grieve and grief doesn't vanish from your life.
We still need to find that PUSH so that we can LIVE our lives.
Let this be a permission slip for you - if you need it.
That we still need to do things that we don't like in order to live a life that is in constant movement and open to healing.
I would love to hear your comments + thoughts around this.
If this is something you want to explore - let's chat.
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You CAN change your life.